Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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