How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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