she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
