Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
