It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
