I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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