even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
