During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
