Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
