You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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