I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
