god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
