Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
