pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
