i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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