I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
