hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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