I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How does it feel to date your dad?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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