Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize