Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do vagina's smell?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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