do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
