Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
