I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize