can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
