wrigley field is MILF paradise
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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