i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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