6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
