32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
