He uses pillows to masturbate.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
