the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
