That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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