don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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