So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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