we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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