she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize