i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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