Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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