I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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