Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize