I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
