Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
