remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
