Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
