hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
