i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
