I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is my gift to your gina
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
