Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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