I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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