dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
