Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
