what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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