Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
