i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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