I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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