I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
