hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Success! We fucked roommates!
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