i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
