The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You are a genius and a whore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
