Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
