Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
