first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
