Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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