I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
