She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize