i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
