Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
