Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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