I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
