I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He? As in you personified your dick?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
wow bdsm is so cute
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
