I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The best revenge is premature balding
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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