Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
