Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
