I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
