How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize