Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
